komunikasi. just for the fuck of it.

Mestinya kamu nggak tersesat dan hanya berteman bintang yang lekat
hingga kamu bisa pulang ke rumah...

Sayangnya saya tidak selalu punya lentera yang berkilau hangat di dalam
genggaman tangan saya, Sayang.

So you want me to be your Home?

yang tergelar selimut tebal lembut warna coklat muda
dengan segelas coklat panas siap digenggam oleh
jemarimu setiap malam?

yang sekalipun tak pernah terdengar ada nada suara
meninggi serta tudingan tajam bahkan saat kamu menjadi
seorang balita penakut atau lelaki plin plan?

yang tak pernah mencemburui apapun yang dilakukan
para perempuan itu untuk merebut perhatianmu atau
semua usaha yang kamu lakukan untuk membuat mereka
jadi pasangan bercintamu sebatas satu malam saja?

yang tak pernah pergi walau kamu sedang pergi jauh
sekalipun, walau sesekali terdengar rentetan pesan
pesan pemberitahuan seperti trayek Bus Way dimana
dan sedang apa kamu disana.

yang tak akan pernah sekalipun membiarkanmu sendirian
kesepian atau jatuh membalut luka tengah malam tanpa
sandaran bahu dan tempat tadah air mata.

yang mengetahui masa lalu, rahasia serta harapan dan impian
kamu tanpa sekalipun pernah membaginya dengan orang lain
karena kamu tak akan mau membagi dirimu dengan dengan
orang lain pula.

But then, why can't I make you my Home too?
(maybe because you have asked me more than that too;)

So you hate me for whatever reasons you have in mind.

and i tell myself, the loss is in you. if only you would come to
me and talk about it,we may find a better way rather than
being enemies. if only you would come to me in whatever
way you could possibly can, i may understand why you would
better having me out of your life as soon as possible. but you
wouldn't and you just make the situation worst by trying so hard
to avoid and hide from me.

what is so good about living in hatred? i know that's tiring, for
i have been trying to live with that for almost two years now.
what is so nice about seeing someone that cares about you in
a totally the opposites way just because they seemed to disturb
your life lately? life is too short to live in hatred and anger.

i know you, i know you much better than what you write in your
blog. or what you said to those people and what you keep trying
to make people believe that you are something that you are not.
but that is your choice, and i have totally no problem with that as
long as we could have a fair friendship based on what we have in
our relationship until today. we are Real, we don't live in cyber world.

for whatever regrets that you have regarding myself, for whatever
knowledges you have about me that you decide to keep quiet
about them, for whatever dissapointments, hopes, desires and even
anger you have towards me...I decide to stay in my shoes as it is.

i wouldn't come to you anymore just for asking you things that you
don't want to talk about or just too bloody fucking scared to face
about us, about me, about you. i wouldn't bother to keep nagging
for answers that the questions already there for days. i have a life to
taking care of.

so, if you don't want to be part of my life anymore..just go away.

everything changes in life anyway. if you could be such a dear
friend to me yesterday, why couldn't you be the one that hates me
so much today?

have an honest and pretty life, Dear Friend...because that makes life
worth living for.