komunikasi. just for the fuck of it.

Tomorrow is Rajab month! (and I miss my Damai Bulan...:)

Dearest God,

You won't let me enjoy all this
feelings for just even one second,
before you change them again
with others..will you?

You won't let me have one second
of a cold and quiet moment by myself
for the last couple of weeks, will you?

You won't let me get closer again
with my parents since I'm going to
leave their house soon, will you?

But still, you are still letting me
have all this need over you...

this faith that never fade away,
this belief that only You are the
one could hold me so tight in you
that I will not giving up for anything
in my life and myself now..

Thank you, I love you. You know I do.

(i am nothing)

Lagi di pasar Batu nganter nyokap beli apel.
Temperatur atmosfernya keren!
(a morning sms from a lover)

I never thought I could feel comfortable being
a story-teller for kids until last Sunday. I had
a Food Not Bombs activity with some beautiful
creatures around a lake at Jagakarsa for a whole
day. We have a free festival where we held a
screen printing workshop, drawing and story-telling
for childrens, wood cut art workshop, and
making a button with hands, plus nasi uduk
gratis for everyone! Oh of course a musical
and art performances from people around the
lake and us as the host. The theme of the
activivity is 'Rayakan Perbedaan dan Sayangi
Lingkungan'.

Why 'Rayakan Perbedaan'? Because most of us
are look and ARE different than the people on
that area. Some of us punks and hippies, advertising
people,gay, anarchists and definitely talk differently;
but we all have the same belief that all humans are
equals and differences are supposed to be celebrated
not being countered and see as being a threat to
people's life.

And 'Sayangi Lingkungan' theme is as a reminder that
the lake and the environment there is starting to be
exploit constantly by the government and also people
surround it without being carefully maintain its balance
and conditions.

Ffuih! Such a heavy message for such a fun activity, ain't it?
Hahahaha!

But we're definitely so happy by those people's involvement
and enthusiasm during the event and also their support
on the preparation on the even itself. They're having fun
as much as we are, and next time we're going to have
another similar activity in different area!

This blog is for two wonderful gals that being with me
for that one Rock'n Roll Sunday! Luv ya both:)

I hate Life.
That's what he put on his YM status today.
And god, how I used to love him before.
It's really interesting knowing such a statement
come out from such a perfect guy like him.
I could say this because I bet 8 out of 10
girls will say it, plus their parents:D

But then I always belief that what's perfect
for majority is definetely not perfect to me!
Hehehe! I mean, from the moment I realized
that I'll get married and having a husband...
I never see him as a monday-to-friday-shirt-
and-tie-eight-to-five kind of guy:)

I always see him a freelancer worker that
sometimes has to travel and also stay
at home before another job come up. I always
thought he would be a photographer, artists,
or musician (even activist) that has a flexibility
working time. Therefore so far I only date that
kind of guy once and the rest are mostly just
college guys with enchanting creative life!:)

Anyway, back to that guy that hating life at the
moment...he's also one of the best teacher and
most closest ex-lover that I have ever had.
He's one of the guy that I was so close to get
married with and definitely so bloody fuckin
different too in seeing life compare to mine.

This blog for you and hope you hangin' there:)

Tooth-brushing addict.
I think I could call myself that way,
instead of coffee-cream junky since
I feel such a relief everytime I finish
brushing my teeth after eating anything
after several hours.Hehehe!

Especially when I'm travelling, I will
put my tooth brush and tooth-paste
on the outside or the most reachable
pocket so that I could quickly go brush
my teeth anytime I feel like it. And yes,
I love a guy with good-fresh-mint smell
out of their mouth. Well, aren't we all
girls?;)

Sudah lama telapak ini tak keriput terguyur air mata,
seperti seringnya kugunakan untuk meredam tawa
yang terlalu membahana..berusaha menutupi luka luka
lama...(mungkin dia sudah lupa kapan kuajak dia berdoa..)

Peace.
Have you ever try to find peace at this hour?

Naive.
People used to call me for being too naive, because
I always believe that 'semua orang itu baik'.
So that I trust them as simple as smiling back at
them when they smile at me!

And I still do believe that 'semua orang itu baik',
though I may not be as straight as before since
all those 'so-much-of-what-so-called-trust-and-friendship'
chaotic party happened in my life earlier. Hehehe!

Today, though I still struggling to live with the fact that
I've been cheated really, really big before, but at least I already start to
be able to smile at people back at those moments when I don't even
think I could talk to them at all.

Human are human, they will never be angel or even a real devil..:)

Kalau saya bicara dalam bahasa Inggris,
itu artinya...

saya gugup, atau saya cemas, atau saya
kesal, atau saya bingung, atau saya buru-buru,
atau saya hanya tidak ingin orang lain mengerti
apa yang sedang saya bicarakan dengan orang
lain.

tapi saya juga bicara dalam bahasa inggris,
bila saya malu. saya merasa bahasa indonesia
kosa katanya terlalu..telanjang. terlalu apa adanya.
tak seperti kata dalam bahasa inggris yang masih
ada tingkatan emosi yang berbeda-beda di dalamnya.
kalau saya mau bilang 'luka' maka dalam bahasa
indonesia ya cuma ada satu kata itu 'luka'.sedangkan
dalam bahasa inggris saya bisa memilih kata 'wound',
'ache','pain', atau 'injured'. See? (Lho kok saya nulis
bahasa inggris?hehehe!)

tapi saya suka kok menantang diri saya sendiri
untuk mengatakannya dalam bahasa indonesia,
karena memang seru aja mencari kata yang kalau
tidak bisa persis sama ya paling tidak hampir dapat
emosi dan artinya. makanya sekarang saya juga
suka sekali menulis dalam bahasa indonesia, dan
malahan mulai malas menulis dalam bahasa inggris.
padahal tiga tahun lalu....

saya selalu menulis dalam bahasa inggris.dari mulai
diari, ide hingga bentuk-bentuk tulisan saya lainnya.
lalu saya mulai sadar kalau saya orang Indonesia
dan menulis untuk orang Indonesia karena merekalah
yang paling dekat dengan kehidupan saya.

mulailah saya berusaha keras untuk menulis dan
bermain-main dengan kata kata dalam bahasa indonesia
seperti yang saya suka lakukan dengan bahasa inggris.
seru juga ternyata! malah sekarang mungkin sudah jadi
seperti candu:)

tapi saya masih suka menyisipkan satu dua kalimat inggris
dalam tulisan tulisan berbahasa indonesia saya, walaupun
saya tidak pernah melakukan sebaliknya.hehehe!
mungkin karena memang cara bicara saya pun campur
aduk nggak karuan hingga lebih sering merepotkan yang
mendengarnya (dan sebenarnya termasuk saya sendiri
yang mengatakannya:). makanya saya lebih sering mesti
belajar bersabar dalam berbicara apalagi dalam keadaan
keadaan tertentu dimana saya memang sadar sebaiknya
saya berbicara hanya dalam bahasa indonesia dan juga
jauh lebih pelan dari biasanya.

pelan pelan, bukan lambat.karena cara bicara saya
memang cepat sekali. begitu juga cara makan dan cara
berjalan. mungkin kecuali untuk satu hal...saya memang
sengaja pelan pelan;)

(I talk fast, I eat fast, I walk fast. But I ..... .... really slow)

Cold hands and heart beats.
They all still there...
but the difference only,
the causes.

Before it's Love,
Now it's Hate.

(Confrontation with vain Volume 1)

- Toothpaste
- Mouthwash
- Liquid soap
- Shampoo
- Talcum powder
- Body Lotion
- Deodorant
- Perfume
- Face Powder
- Lipstick
- Lip Balm
- Hair Gel

It takes 12 kinds of product to live my life every day!
(Well, maybe less on weekends)

SHIT, NO WONDER I SMELL SO DAMN GOOD;)

-a confession of a consumtive bitch-

Gal : Can I stay for awhile?
Guy: Stay forever.

(What a lovely rock'n roll weekend!)

: Fuck me, I'm your fans!
: I don't believe you, and I don't fuck my friends.

Dressed in black from head to foot, hair multi hued,
rings lining her ears and nose,tattoos circling her wrist
and gracing her shoulder, she still thinks of herself as
shy and quiet, the weird girl who sat at the back of
the class in high school, in a town where 'there was
nothing goin' down at all." But as the Velvet Underground
song goes,"you know, her life was saved by rock'n roll."

It was in the small punk scene in the central Pennsylvania
college town where Chris grew up that she found a
community (outside her liberal family) where "it was okay
that I wasn't like everyone", and it was through her zine
that she forged connections to the larger underground
scene which gave her the "inspiration and direction" to
chart a course for herself outside the mainstream. Surviving
on a shoestring, she has just put out her FORTY-FIFTH issue
of Slag and Lettuce, fitting it someplace between organizing
punk shows at New York City's alternative space ABC NO RIO,
shooting photos for an upcoming book, crisscrossing the country
in a van, and spending the winter in an unheated cabin on a
mountain in Virginia. Living on the outskirts of a society that
equates success with material acquisition, status, and stability,
Chris is poor, marginalized, and perfectly happy.

profile of Christine Boarts, the 24 year old editor of Slug & Lettuce zine.

Psychological Nightmare


What sort of Nightmare are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm...actually, I believe that I could be much more
scarier than this:)

What Anime Stereotype Are You?

SHIT! I'M BLUSHED!;)

Who's Your Anime Boyfriend?

Ugh! This one is so damn TRUE!
But still, I want some childish touch here
and there..especially in certain settings
of our meetings;)

What Anime Art Style Are You?

Well, maybe because I'm just so girly
sometimes and mostly have lots of accessories
with the way I dressed. But I do love one tone
colour of things too. Mostly black, green or red
is what I like lately. I tend to choose everything
in the most colourful possible. Dunno why though.
Ou, my favorite colours are orange, red, yellow,
brown and pink.

Go figure!;)

This is a kiss.
This is my lips.
That is your lips.
And yes,
your lips is taste good also, Love:)

(The love lesson after 9 PM)

Cantik,

Saya minta maaf kalau saya tak lagi
bisa menemani luapan emosi serta
sumpah serapah kamu sejak beberapa
hari ini. Namun saya juga tidak mungkin
memaksakan diri saya untuk bisa
mendengar semuanya seolah itulah
pusat kehidupan saya seperti biasanya...

hati saya cuma satu, dan pemiliknya
jatuh tertidur sejak kemarin.

Saya tak bisa hidup tanpa Hati saya, Cantik..
karena Otak saya pasti kebingungan dengan siapa
dia berseteru nantinya:)

(a letter to a beautiful person with a pretty hair)

Have you ever try to describe kissing?
Or describing kisses and hugs?
I still don't know how to describe
affection and desire to someone else.

But I'll try hard to visual Love and my Love today
for my one and only Lover...

Wish me luck everyone!;)

NB: Mimpi untuk tak lagi bermimpi serta tak punya mimpi
esok hari adalah mimpiku malam ini...
(kenapa kamu membenci mimpi? karena selalu saya
temukan benci di dalamnya...)

Amnesia.
(2 hours of blank moments without even
realizing who you are and the rest of
your universe)

Shit,my lover is so damn lucky!

A big giant vagina.
That's what I am according to one
of my good guyfriend.And no matter
I could see how sarcastic that words
to me when he said that, I still find it
pretty absurd. I mean, I am not that
stupid to know how physically unappealing
I am though in general I won't say that
I'm ugly either. (But why should God
create beautiful and ugly creature when
He said what matter most is their heart?)

Anyway, being under the spotligh of love
like today is definitely not a nice treatment
of life that I should get. Though I am deeply
grateful for that, but please...they just boost
my big ego into the roof and that's not good
at all to me. I know that for sure!

I need a small quiet place to breath and hyme
my self without have to worry about myself
that they want me to be. And stop being such
a flirtatious bitch, you know!

We'll see when and how am I going to get that...